Why the Old Testament Matters: Lessons From the Song of Songs

Why the Old Testament Matters: Lessons From the Song of Songs

If you are in a relationship—dating, looking to get married, been married for just 4 months or for 49 years—and you want advice, you don’t need to go to the newest, most modern guru for help. You can look to the tried-and-true wisdom in the Bible for the best relationship advice.

Song of Songs is the book we are looking at today. It is a quick read, and we encourage you to take some time to sit down and read it for yourselves. The Song of Songs is a unique pearl of wisdom from the Bible. It is a collection of highly charged love poems between two people that can be read in two ways: as an allegory of the passionate love between God and His people, or literally as a celebration and guide to romance, desire, and strong marital commitment. There is a long history in Jewish and Christian traditions that focuses on the allegory in the Song of Songs. So we will spend a little time there today, but our main focus will be on the wisdom we can gather from this couple in the Song of Songs and how we can apply it to our relationships today.

Within the love poems in Song of Songs there is no specific mention of God—throughout the entire book. On the surface, it’s just a romance between a man and a woman. Yet it has stood the test of time, being included as part of the sacred texts we have in our Bibles today. Ancient scholars probably had to ask themselves, “Why is this passionate poetry in the Bible?” As they studied and sought to understand the “why,” they clung to the book’s deep spiritual meaning, which showed the beauty of the powerful love between God and His people, rather than just between a man and a woman. This allegorical view puts the focus at a personal level where we (God’s people) are seeking an intimate relationship with God. We admire Him and want to be close to Him, just like the woman in the poetry longs for her Beloved. And God longs for us in return. It is a mutual longing. But there are times in the poetry when the couple is separated and searching for one another; this is like when we go through periods of spiritual distance from God. We feel far from Him and are searching to get closer to Him. Then, when the couple reunites, it’s like when we repent, experience God’s forgiveness, and are united with God’s Spirit. So, the allegorical view shows a passionate, spiritual longing for closeness with God—His love for us and our love for Him. It is beautiful.

Ancient scholars…clung to the book’s deep spiritual meaning, which showed the beauty of the powerful love between God and His people, rather than just between a man and a woman.

But Song of Songs is not just an allegory; it’s also a wealth of wisdom for our modern relationships. There is so much good advice that we can gather from its verses. One of the most obvious, and arguably one of the most important for our modern culture, is to wait. The repeated advice says, “Do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time” (Song of Songs 2:7). This is such good advice. It is a warning to avoid rushing into emotional and physical intimacy before you really get to know a person, and to make sure that your relationship has a strong foundation and appropriate commitment. The woman in this book also says, “This is my love, and this is my friend” (5:16, emphasis added). In the middle of the passionate romance, we see that they are friends. This indicates a deeper relationship than one solely built on physical chemistry; it’s not one that just says, “Oh, they look cute!” So the advice is to pace yourself (don’t be quick to get physical) and make sure your relationship is mature enough and truly ready for the weight of a lifelong commitment before you tie your heart and body to someone else’s. In other words, wait until you’re married to be physically intimate.

To go hand in hand with that, make sure to notice the mutual admiration and equality in the lover’s poem as you read. It says, “I am my love’s and my love is mine” (Song of Songs 6:3). This is entirely reciprocal, which is imperative for a healthy relationship. There is no power struggle or imbalance, with one person doing all the work and all the chasing while the other just sits around, seeing what all they can get from it. No, these two are in it completely together. They have both chosen to give themselves to each other equally; it is a mutual belonging (and on an allegorical side note, it is very much like Jeremiah 31:33, where God says, “I will be their God, and they will be my people”).

The next bit of advice is good for all relationships, but particularly useful in marriage. It tells us to address the “little things” early, before they become big things that ruin our relationships. It calls the little things “little foxes” and our relationships “vineyards.”  It says, “Catch the foxes for us—the little foxes that ruin the vineyards—for our vineyards are in bloom” (Song of Songs 2:15). The little things in life can be misunderstandings, resentments, unvoiced expectations, or minor bad habits that go unchecked. These small things are typically what add up over time and lead to a relationship falling apart; it is rarely one massive issue that happens overnight. So, the wisdom here is to protect our relationships by communicating openly and (politely) addressing—and “catching”—the small things when they come up, so they don’t slowly chew away at the roots and destroy the beautiful vineyard: our relationship.

Another word of wisdom from the Song of Songs is to intentionally date your spouse: “Come, my love, let’s go to the field; let’s spend the night among the henna blossoms. Let’s go early to the vineyards” (7:11–12). Notice that the couple is consciously choosing to step away from their daily routines to be alone together. In modern day, between work, bills, kids, chores, and daily life, romance can devolve into something that looks more like being co-managers of a house than being a man and woman in love. So, the advice is to make a deliberate shift in your environment. It doesn’t have to be an expensive getaway. It can be a 30-minute walk through a park during lunch, or coffee in a new place on a Saturday morning—just somewhere to get away with our “love” for a short period of time on a regular basis to simply “be” with each other.

Song of Songs has so much more advice to give, but we will just hit one more before we wrap it up this time. Compliment each other. That sounds simple, but the truth is we all need affirmation—and affirmation that is much more meaningful than a thumbs-up or a heart on social media. When we read Song of Songs, we see very detailed compliments that the man and woman give each other. They are thoughtful words of praise. And though they may seem odd to us today (eyes like doves, hair like a flock of goats, legs like alabaster pillars), the point is not lost. These two people looked deeply at each other—deeply enough to notice the small details and offer very specific praise. Today, this may mean the difference between telling a spouse, “Thanks for making dinner,” and instead saying, “I love watching how creative you get in the kitchen; it makes a meal with you the best part of my day.” Or the difference between saying simply, “You look nice,” and instead saying, “I love the way that your eyes look with that shirt. It reminds me of the first time you looked at me.” The point is, don’t take each other for granted—study your spouse, notice the good, get specific, and practice giving highly detailed compliments.

With all this wisdom, the Song of Songs rounds out our study on the wisdom literature of the Bible. We encourage you to pull it out and read it for yourselves. There is so much more than we could ever cover. Let the Bible speak for itself, and ask God to give you wisdom as you read. We invite you to share your thoughts on this article and what you have learned by commenting below.

If you have any questions about this Experience Commentary article, the Bible, or your faith, please reach out to us at experiencecc.com.